the deadline to apply for SXSW is tomorrow.
i threw together my application package in just over a half hour, from running out for cds to burning them to filling out the form to breathlessly handing the whole damn thing over to the overnight courier.

it was quite a rush, let me tell you. something very nice about flexing those hyperspeed muscles.

and while i don't really harbor any hope in hell of actually being admitted (this is, after all, the most hard core live music festival in the continental united states), it is like anything else: if you don't try, you'll never know. and i want to know.

if i could insert sound effects, this is where you'd find the one of the hat falling quietly into the ring.

i find it funny that this year's matrix offerings are irrevocably marked as bookends to this year's love. the night 'reloaded' came out was the night i announced that i'd been dating r. for two weeks and that i really liked him--i was busting out the big seduction guns (goat's cheese and cranberry risotto) and everything. last night was 'revolutions,' which found me sitting in the theater, left cold by the film and musing on the passing of that particular happiness, wondering when or if i'll get to make that kind of announcement again. wondering if i really would ever make my peace with him. and finally hoping for it.

funny. but at least it takes the sting out of how utterly disappointing the films were. and for these small mercies are we grateful.

in other news, i am wearing leather pants and will be playing a show in downtown manhattan. and i'd love to see you.

quality.
delight.
tender.

what words do you have trouble looking in the eye?

contentment is a new song that you don't want to stop playing, even though your fingers are very clearly about to bleed.

i was so scared that i wouldn't be able to write about this, about anything, be able to write ever again. four weeks of being virtually unable to lift my guitar without falling to pieces, i felt like a piece of me was dying, like my last hope was lost. four weeks of having stones in my heart and lead in my tongue, four weeks of terror that i had lost what was more important to me than anything in the world. four weeks of having lost myself. four weeks of having lost my voice.

but it came back. my voice came back. and she's quiet, and she's tired, and she hurts all over and she still cries a lot. but she's come home.

though i will never forgive myself for letting him walk out the door with my confessional heart, even though it didn't stay away long, i will always find my solace in the knowledge that it loved me enough to come home. even if he didn't.

one of these days i'll forget that i love you

holy mother of god, i've almost finished a new song. a NEW SONG. at long, long, long last. to be crass, i feel the way you feel when you vomit after getting really drunk. it smells funny, it's kind of painful, you don't really want to be doing it...but your head is so much clearer once you do. that's how i feel. cleaner.

and i just compared my songwriting to vomiting. probably not the best metaphor i could have chosen.

p.s. it occurs to me that i should probably unpack the vomit metaphor a little more...it's not so much that i feel that gross post-vomit aftermath feeing, it's that i feel better, like i've dislodged something from my throat and can now breathe again...and yes, that metaphor is much better, isn't it? it's like i'm breathing again, finally.

be careful when conducting social experiments: sometimes they can open wounds.

check this schedule, yo
last week:
tuesday: recording and visitage with the divine miss n.
wednesday: buttermilk with tribe and the arrival of lady k.
thursday: open mic
friday: halloween (and let me tell you, it takes energy to swan about in that much vinyl), traipsing about with kate and jason
saturday: lunch at junior's, afternoon in prospect park, girly night
sunday: recording, grey dog, veg night and impromptu concert, late straggler to veg night appearing at half past midnight.

this week:
monday: drinks and possible alias viewing
tuesday: possible drinks and more recording
wednesday: matrix
thursday: show at the orange bear
friday-saturday-sunday: row dyland.

i may not be sleeping, but who needs sleep with extracurriculars like these? although, if i remain awake for any of rhode island, i'll be terribly impressed with myself.

so goddamn hot.

brace yourselves, sweetlings: when the pictures from halloween arrive, you will probably want to have a fire extinguisher on hand. because we were JUST THAT HOT.

watch this space.