i handed in my resignation today. to say it was one of the single most satisfying moments of my life would be to do it no justice. to hand it to bosslady on her first trip to the office in ages, to say that i'm taking next wednesday for training, or the following friday for a trip, with no quarter? priceless. (her response: 'well, can we get an extra day, since you'll take wednesday?' mine: 'no.')

my only regret came in the meeting with scary vp that followed, in which we discovered that (to no one's surprise), bosslady would not be returning to the office, choosing instead to stay home and mother her sproglets. as such, they are going to be conducting a hard search, both within and without the company, to replace her. and that whoever they choose may not be located in this office. the subtext here is the confirmation of our fears and suspicions: they're gunning to move this department to florida, though they'd never dare say it aloud. to look around the table the moment this realization sunk in was absolutely heartbreaking. seeing my three colleagues, my smart, capable colleagues, told that this company officially doesn't care that the four of us have built this department from nothing into something really good, that we are expendable and easily redundant....was horrible. the absence of hope was suddenly made palpable, and the sense of defeat overwhelming.

i count myself so lucky that i've somehow, against all odds, managed to escape. but somehow, i feel like i'm leaving my entire platoon stranded behind enemy lines.

(because i'm a bad person, however, that does very little to mar my seething euphoria)

mix tapes, sex, next wednesday, tact, murder, laundry, practice, strings, new guitar strap, chocolate, summer, dewey's hair, my hair, back muscles, jealousy, classical guitar, punching bags, anger management, prozac, forgiveness, health insurance, comic books, alcoholism, nailpolish, wire cutters, mtv, new orleans, palm beach, napping, photography, doubletalk, acronyms, legwarmers, secrets, emma peel, friday.

I got it! i got it i got it i got it!

NEWWWWW JJJOOOOOBBBBBB!

also? they just emailed me back. they want to talk again. they want references.

yaaaaa!

so, the interview went well, once i got over my quivering fear of squaring off against two men wearing power suits (something about men in shoulder pads just alarms me). i was too flustered to give a coherent answer to the "so, tell us about yourself" question, and i didn't get to spring out my perfect answer to the "what is your greatest weakness" question. but, i did get to walk them through my portfolio, and i did get to reveal that i'm simultaneously ridiculous and resourceful: about five minutes in, they asked me if i'd seen the website. i said yes and started chattering away about it, and my thoughts of how it could be improved...

never mind the fact that i was chattering about the wrong site. whoops.

lost ground there. fortunately, i got it back when they asked me how i'd ended up on the one i'd seen. i said my phone had cut out when the guy called, so i'd only caught his name, and not the company's. so, i did what any self-respecting web-jockey would do: i googled him and matched up the addresses. they liked that. anyway. it went okay, though it was short. they did ask me to send them my thoughts on the site, so i sent a seven-point manifesto with detailed explanations of why and how certain things could be changed. i'll find out what they thought by friday--they want a quick hire. which would be great for me--the notion
of handing in my resignation on the very day my boss returns from maternity leave is almost too irresistible to entertain. plus, there are rumors that they're moving the whole department to palm beach, which means layoffs.

so, i'm sure you understand why it is that i am so desperate to get out of here? ironic justice aside.

to say that i am having a strange day would be the understatement of the century.

it feels very strange, discussing your interview strategy with your coworkers.

i can't help but wonder why it is that my father's pep talks always make me late for work.

here is what i have done to prepare for tomorrow's job interview:

• removed the scraggly nailpolish from my fingers.
  
• printed out my portfolio (consisting of a screenshot of the company website before they hired me; screenshots of the sites i have built to replace that site since then; the cover of the online newsletter; printouts of the three articles i wrote for that newsletter; three copies of my resume; the company calendar, which was my baby last summer.
  
• fretted about how to do my hair and makeup
  
• prayed to all that is good and holy that whatever evil cold thing is brewing in my soul will hold off until after the interview.
  
• dug out my suit.
  
• looked up sample interview questions and general tips for acing interviews on the internet.
  
• practiced the answers to the questions i'm sure they're going to ask ('why do you want to leave your current job?' 'what is your greatest weakness?')
  
• tried to stay calm.
  
• gotten a pep talk from the Boy, the Biscuit, the Owl, Stuart , Kate and the head of my company's IT department.
  
• had a glass of whiskey and three cigarettes.
  
• looked at the website of the company where i'm interviewing and tried very hard to think about what it is that they could possibly be wanting to do with it.
  

 

i stand unflinchingly by my belief that the very best part of karaoke is, in fact, the videos. forget the indulgence of an extrovert's fantasy. forget the virtually requisite drunkenness. certainly forget the noisy bridge and tunnel characters in the corner. no, the magic of karaoke is firmly centered around these low-budget video masterpieces. staple characters include: girl with heavy eyebrows and an early-nineties matte lycra dress; vato with the blue bandanna; oiled up, shirtless man with a mane of dark curly hair reaching about down to his ass; canals; bewildered yuppie with a wilting bouquet. truly, the archetypes that make society spin round!

high art. no doubt.